Eric Cartman's Best Quotes In South Park, Ranked (2024)

South Park tends to focus its storytelling on ridiculous ideas that hold a mirror up to society, and there are plenty of crude, compelling characters. Eric Cartman is one of the funniest and most popular South Park characters. A lot has happened during South Park's lengthy run, but Cartman is responsible for some truly outlandish behavior that's plagued friends, family, and even himself.

Cartman is a South Park character who unquestionably keeps the audience entertained, whether they like to admit it or not. Some of Cartman's most outrageous and unbelievable lines have become many of South Park's most popular quotes.

Updated by Alan A. Mehanna, on March 7, 2024 This list has been updated to adhere to CBR's most recent standards for formatting.


South Park: 10 Times Actions Spoke Louder Than Words

While South Park is often thought of for its hilarious dialog, sometimes the series reveals the inner working of the characters through their actions.

10 "No, Kitty, This Is My Pot Pie..."

"Cartman Gets An Anal Probe" (Season 1, Episode 1)

Eric Cartman's Best Quotes In South Park, Ranked (2)

Cartman has had a few catchphrases throughout South Park, and the show's earlier seasons depict a very volatile relationship between Cartman and his pet cat. Cartman appears to value his cat on some level, but he hates the fact that his pet always wants to share his food.

No, kitty, this is my pot pie...

Cartman can't help but erupt in rage when his kitty swoops in on his coveted pot pie or other forms of sustenance. Curiously, this verbal attack seems to catch on, as the rest of his extended family respond the same way around greedy house cats.

9 "Screw You Guys, I'm Going Home!"

"Cartman Gets An Anal Probe" (Season 1, Episode 1)

Eric Cartman's Best Quotes In South Park, Ranked (3)

Cartman has come a long way from his one-dimensional characterization during the series' start. "Screw you guys, I'm going home!" is one of Cartman's most prominent expressions in South Park's run before both the character and the series mature to more substantial content. This fiery phrase is essentially Cartman's catchphrase and his primary way to attack his friends or exit a scene.

Screw you guys, I'm going home!

Cartman is now more likely to cut to someone's very core than dispense such an easy one-liner, but there are still times when his old expression slips out. Season 15's "Crack Baby Athletic Association" revives Cartman's old catchphrase.

8 "Don't Be Sad, Butters. What Awaits Each Person In Heaven Is Eternal Bliss, Divine Rest, And $10,000 Cash...."

"The Death Of Eric Cartman" (Season 9, Episode 6)


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Eric Cartman's Best Quotes In South Park, Ranked (5)

One of the most popular South Park episodes to focus on Cartman and Butters' friendship is Season 9's "The Death of Eric Cartman." After Cartman's friends start to ignore him even more than usual, his ego leads him to believe that he must be dead and now a ghost.

Don't be sad, Butters. What awaits each person in heaven is eternal bliss, divine rest, and $10,000 cash....

Cartman becomes tethered to Butters when he believes that only Butters can see him. Butters does his best to help Cartman make things right and complete his unfinished business so that he can pass on and enter heaven. One of the most satisfying speeches in "The Death of Eric Cartman" is Cartman's goodbye to Butters, though he soon realizes that he's still around. It's the perfect mix of sentimental and selfish, just like Cartman.

7 "Life Goes By Pretty Fast..."

"Super Fun Time" (Season 12, Episode 7)

Eric Cartman's Best Quotes In South Park, Ranked (6)

Season 12's "Super Fun Time" coasts on the chemistry that's created through Cartman and Butters-centric chaos. An innocent attempt to sneak into Super Phun Thyme from Pioneer Village puts both kids on shaky ground and at risk of no fun at all.

Life goes by pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, and do whatever you want all the time, you could miss it.

The juxtaposition between Cartman and Butters' contrasting personalities leads to some satisfying conflict that helps them both appreciate and understand the other. Butters tries to assert himself and stay out of trouble, while Cartman delivers the Ferris Bueller-esque quote that perfectly underscores his selfish behavior. Cartman believes that he should live as recklessly as possible and that those who make selfish choices are destined to have life's problems work out for them.

6 "...Maybe, We All Have To Learn To Live Together"

"Ginger Kids" (Season 9, Episode 11)

Eric Cartman's Best Quotes In South Park, Ranked (7)

Cartman holds a lot of prejudices, many of which he's more than willing to share with the public. Cartman makes it clear that he's particularly disgusted by those who have red hair, which turns into a transformative experience for the close-minded child when he must walk a mile in a "ginger kid's" shoes. Rather than rebel against himself, Cartman's new experience triggers some unexpected empathy.

...Maybe, we all have to learn to live together

As is often the case with Cartman, his passion gets out of hand, and his attempt at support feels awfully close to genocide. Cartman delivers a thoughtful line, "If we go and exterminate everyone who isn't ginger then we're no better than they were for thinking less of us. Maybe, we all have to learn to live together." They're beautiful words that are even more powerful when coming out of Cartman's mouth.

5 "Well, I Don't Know If I Ever Told You This..."

"Kenny Dies" (Season 5, Episode 13)


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Eric Cartman's Best Quotes In South Park, Ranked (9)

Kenny's shaky relationship with mortality has punctuated a lot of South Park, especially the early seasons. The show's fifth season explores a bold direction after Kenny contracts a fatal disease. South Park plays his death for melodramatic impact instead of a cheap laugh, as everyone responds to Kenny's ailment differently. Surprisingly, Cartman expresses the kindest sentiments to his friend.

Well, I don't know if I ever told you this, Kenny, but I kinda always thought you were my best friend.

South Park is typically quick to go for the jugular or use callous behavior to punctuate an emotional scene. This makes Cartman's sweet farewell hit even harder since it's allowed to exist as a purely selfless moment. Kenny does later return in a permanent capacity, and fans can't help but feel that Cartman's warm words were with him during his darkest days.

4 "I'm Not Fat, I'm Festively Plump"

“Mr. Hankey, The Christmas Poo” (Season 1, Episode 9)

Eric Cartman's Best Quotes In South Park, Ranked (10)

Cartman is at his simplest during South Park’s first season, and much of his impact is made through rude outbursts rather than vicious characterization. Cartman’s weight is a point of contention for the character, so he’s quick to defend himself whenever someone talks about it.

I'm not fat, I'm festively plump.

Cartman has several variations for this occasion, but the most satisfying is when he refers to himself as “festively plump” rather than "fat" in order to invoke the nature of the holiday season. There’s at least something clever to this Cartman comeback.

3 "How Do I Reach These Kids?"

"Eek, A P*nis!" (Season 12, Episode 5)

Eric Cartman's Best Quotes In South Park, Ranked (11)

South Park has indulged in some pitch-perfect movie parodies. Cartman is a larger-than-life figure, so he’s frequently at the center of these extended homages. Cartman temporarily takes up a role as a teacher to inner-city students where his running mantra becomes, “How do I reach these kids?”

How do I reach these kids?

Cartman’s delivery and his entire teacher persona is a nod to Edward James Olmos in Stand and Deliver. The line becomes funnier every time Cartman says it in exasperation. Eventually, he does change lives through his broad parody approach.

2 "Totally"

“Casa Bonita” (Season 7, Episode 11)


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“Casa Bonita” is a legendary South Park installment where Cartman tricks Butters into thinking a nuclear apocalypse has destroyed the planet so that he’s able to steal Butters' spot for Kyle’s birthday bash at Casa Bonita. All of Cartman’s evil scheming unravels in the episode’s final minutes, which prompts Cartman to speedrun through all of Casa Bonita’s activities so that he doesn’t lose this opportunity.


“Casa Bonita” ends with the police catching up with Cartman and asking if his reckless, selfish behavior was worth it, to which he replies, “Totally.” It’s a quote that crystalizes the extreme lengths that Cartman takes to get what he wants.

1 "Tears Of Unfathomable Sadness…"

“Scott Tenorman Must Die” (Season 5, Episode 4)

Eric Cartman's Best Quotes In South Park, Ranked (14)

It’s almost impossible to discuss South Park’s Eric Cartman without getting into his brutal revenge scheme against Scott Tenorman. This act put him on fans' radars as a loose cannon. The climax of “Scott Tenorman Must Die” works as well as it does because it features an abrupt twist.

Oh, the tears of unfathomable sadness! My-yummy! Mm-yummy, you guys! Yuppitibut, that's all, folks!

Cartman orchestrates a series of events that results in Scott’s parents' death, and after their demise, he consumes them in chili. Cartman’s “I made you eat your parents” is a devastating line for its bluntness, but the following “tears of unfathomable sadness” while Cartman literally licks up Scott’s tears is the character at peak power.

Eric Cartman's Best Quotes In South Park, Ranked (15)
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Follows the misadventures of four irreverent grade-schoolers in the quiet, dysfunctional town of South Park, Colorado.

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Trey Parker , Matt Stone , Mary Kay Bergman , Isaac Hayes , Eliza Schneider
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