Starting a career in photography is similar to deciding to climb a mountain (not your average mountain, something more like Everest). There are people who realize the value to training, others who want to jump right in and those who dream, but don’t do. The decision to start your journey starts with excitement, fear, and a constant feeling of self-doubt. You have no idea who you are as a photographer and the fear of starting this adventure has a constant hold over you.
My desire to become a photographer has stopped and started several times. It began in college chasing a dream to become a photojournalist. The fear grabbed me after my first class. I didn’t have an ounce of confidence in myself as a person or a photographer.
My next attempt was three years ago. After graduating from college with a degree in business I started working in the insurance industry. I fell into a deep depression after realizing the real world was not what I expected. It was full of tall cubicles, a repetitive 40-hour week, and being in a position with no say. There was no room for creativity and at times no room for me.
In an attempt to avoid being pigeon-holed into mediocrity, I bought my first digital camera to pursue an old passion. I asked a friend from work to take their engagement pictures. At the session I felt like myself for the first time in a long time, but after getting home I realized out of the 400 photos I only had 6 decent enough to give to the couple. I had no idea what I was doing or what I was chasing. I was devastated and embarrassed so I let myself give in to defeat.
I picked up a camera for the third time in September 2008 and this time it stuck. I wanted to give up everyday. I had people telling me to focus on my full time job and not some silly hobby (family members included). I did cry the majority of the first year and every battle that I lost would cause a spiral of self doubt. I felt I was climbing up the mountain and it was defeating me.
The whole reason of writing of my defeat was to remind myself of a huge step forward that happened last Sunday during an engagement session. For the first time ever I felt confident in myself. I knew who I was a photographer, and at the session it radiated through me. I felt excited and liberated all at once. I called Josh after the session super pumped. My voice glowed with the giant step forward I’d taken. I still have hundreds of steps forward till I become the photographer I want to be, but for this moment I’m happy about who I’m becoming. It’s been a battle of me vs the mountain in front of me. Every step forward has been a celebration, every step back a learning experience and every day a journey I’m happy to be on.
