Cultures all around the world send their young into initiation rites where they learn to understand humbleness and achieve self-control. It’s a rite of passage. Giving birth is just that, it’s a woman’s rite of passage into motherhood that teaches her humbleness, self control, and strength. When she surrenders to the process, accepts the intense sensations, works through each contraction, and digs deep within herself she is then touched by the Unknown and Unknowable.
Looking back through the images Julie captured that day brings me back to what is commonly referred to as “Labor Land”. It’s peaceful there, it’s dark, it’s warm, and it’s intense. By giving birth at home instead of a busy hospital I was able to completely surrender to my Birth Land. I created my own space inside of me and was completely drawn inside myself, yet I was hyper-aware of every little noise and movement going on around me. As each contraction would surge through my body like wave I would slip further and further into myself, into my ‘labor land’.
In labor I reach a breaking point. It’s the point at which I reach self-doubt. It’s the point at which i don’t want to feel those rushes of contractions any longer. It’s at that point where I realize my true inner strength. Birth, to me, is not something that needs to be numbed; it is a very powerful and challenging experience that needs to be felt. By choosing to give birth at home I don’t give myself the option to choose to numb myself nor do I give myself the option to give up. I trust my body to do what it is made to do, I trust my inner power and my ability to give life. It’s at that moment where I become fierce, I don’t ask for it, it just invades me and carries my child with it. The first moment where I touched this tiny person that had been kicking and squirming inside of me is so indescribable. Time stops, for a brief moment time actually stops. There is nothing in life that matters at that very moment then feeling his silky skin nestled in my arms. It’s the biggest rush I’ve ever felt in my life and it’s something that I will never forget. Life, in that one tiny moment, is at complete perfection.
Giving Hilary a little LOVE.
